Do Pastor’s Have Friends?

I was listening to a sermon about finishing our race strong and part of finishing strong is surrounding yourself with the right kind of friends. The pastor asked everyone in the audience did they have the right kind of people surrounding them, being a part of their life?

This same question really does apply to those in ministry too, but for us, it can be a real challenge to find people that we allow into our inner circles. Its hard when you lead people as a minister to build relationship that are about who you are, not what you do. I know it may be a bit confusing but the reality we in ministry face is many serve alone. They don’t have real friends. Sure we enjoy the people we serve, we may do a few things together here and there but for many, deep “friendships” never become reality. It can be very, very, lonely in ministry.

Who’s responsibility is it to see this change? that’s a difficult answer and yet easy. Both! For those in ministry, we have to let our guards down and be vulnerable enough to allow people into our lives outside of the building. It is hard to do and yes boundaries have to be clear and maintained, but you need some friends who don’t do vocational ministry for a living. We need some people that can see us, know us. The real us. In all my years of ministry, there are very few people under 8 that I can call close personal friends. Yes, I have close personal friends who are in ministry but those aren’t the ones I’m talking about. These people entered into our world and allowed us to be Tom and April, not Pastor Tom and Mrs. Bump. We were just us. It was always so refreshing to talk about sports, politics, hobbies, and families, etc. We shared life, we laughed and cried together. We walked through lots of good and bad times. These are the people that I can call anytime and they will pray, help, give. I can count on them to be there for me. I’ve had others who said they liked us, wanted to hang out, but made zero effort to do so an when life got hard, or we had to leave, it was if we fell into a black hole. Like we don’t exist anymore. Some may not want to hear this but its the truth. If you befriend a minister, be real, be there, not just when they serve you, pray for you, sacrifice for you. I have talked with many leaders who have left churches some under good terms and others hard ones, and they’ve said the same things. “We thought we had friends there. (oh they still have us on Facebook and all but that’s it) What happened to us?

If you’re reading this and you’re not in vocational ministry, please, remember above all else, your pastors and families are your brothers and sisters in Christ. They are supposed to be family. Love them when they serve you and love them when they don’t have to.

When we live and serve together in the body of Christ we are family and family stick together. We can do better when it comes to staying connected. It should never be so easy to part company. We both have work to do.

I heard about a minister who was asked to leave his position. He did nothing wrong. No moral failure. No abuse of power, or insubordination. He worked hard and loved those he served the same way. He stuck with them even when it didn’t make sense. But a leader decided he didn’t fit, he didn’t like his personality, no biblical reason but he fired him anyway. It happens all the time, trust me. And just like that, the whole family falls into the ministry back hole. very few of those who said they loved them and loved what they did, reached out to see if they were ok. If they needed anything? Very few demonstrated what a family should, friendship.

Leaders who read this will get the pain, I understand it all too well. It’s happened to me too. I pray that as you build your friendship circles both the layperson and the vocational minister will bring people in and do life as family, loving and caring for each other. Building each other up and if/when you have to part ways, you do it in love and respect. You honor each other. Why? because we are friends. Why? because we are family!