Sometimes serving as a leader hurts. Sometimes even when you’re not “The” leader it hurts, especially when it’s inside the Church.
Every leader learns at one point or another that when you have to be the one leading, those who follow may not always like where, how, why you do what you do. Leadership is hard and sometimes the best part of the job can be the worst part of the job.
This could surprise some who read this that I’m being so open but someone needs to pull back the curtain a bit. I have always loved serving inside the church as a leader. I love people, I love their stories, good and bad because each story is part of God’s big picture and I truly do believe ALL THINGS (good and bad) work together for good for those who are called for God’s greater purpose. (yes I know, I didn’t quote it exactly) I was coaching a leader recently who has been dealing with many hard things. He has given it his all and yet, criticism still comes. His Senior Leader isn’t happy with his performance, the numbers, the lack of volunteers, etc. He feels the waves crushing down on him and he feels like he’s drowning. He’s ready to just walk away. Leadership hurts.
Another leader I heard from has heard some of the saddest excuses for why people don’t want to serve and they tell him that role is not a high priority. Some he’s contacted said they were told they could have a break and so they aren’t waiting any longer and quitting with one weeks notice. They critique his leadership and so do others. They feel the pressure and the pain of Sunday coming and no team ready to do ministry.
I used to tell my kids, “life’s hard, get a helmet!” They hated that saying. What can help leaders lead when leadership hurts? I have a few ideas.
First, be honest about the hurts and find a place to release them. My go to first of course, is my heavenly Father. that used to be cliché but its so much deeper truth for me now. I spend time in deep conversation, sometimes journaling the hurt but often I do it on some paper that I will then throw into the fire. I want to release not burry. I have to give the hurts and wounds to the master healer who knows far deeper the wounds I feel. Remember he feels them too.
Secondly, If possible. Go directly to the source of the hurt and have a truthful conversation. It’s time for the church to get back to following Matthew 18. We must do things biblically and that means before talking to any other human, we go to the source. Even if they don’t acknowledge or own the cause, we acknowledge it hurt and a willingness to forgive. This can take time and this sometimes needs a mediator but it needs to happen.
Third, When it comes to leaders hurting other leaders or how some churches treat leaders I have some strong opinions. I have been treated extremely poorly by some churches. I’ve heard the horror stories from other ministers of Jesus how they were treated too. I think most members of the church would be horrified, yet, sometimes they are behind the problems too. What does all this mean? then church is full of sick, sinful people and until we reach Heaven, hurt will happen. Sometimes it will feel like the enemy is winning inside and outside the local church building. BUT GOD! The Church is HIS CHURCH. He will bless, He will withhold blessings too. For those churches who treat leaders like cheap employees, who discard them like trash or disrespect them by underpaying, underutilizing them be careful. God is watching and judging your actions. I do believe the Father holds those he calls to be ministers in high regard. Senior Leaders who mistreat those under their care or use their position to mistreat or control other leaders, be careful. God is watching and judging your actions. If this happens again, we as believers have the opportunity to make things right, to treat each other with love and honor. If that doesn’t happen that sinful behavior will be judged in the end.
If you’re a wounded servant, I believe over time and with help you can regain your balance and find healthy places to serve in the Kingdom. Don’t lose hope that each church or each leader will hurt you. There are so many stories of victory and life as there are hurt and death. Keep your eyes and heart in the place where the Spirit speaks life to you. Spend deep times in worship and prayer. Feed on God’s word and not self-help books. Finds someone to journey with you to help you process.
For me, this is just some of the things I and others are doing. If you have a story, I’d love to hear it. If you’re going through some deep waters, reach out. I’d love to walk with you and help you process. If not me, find someone to journey with. Even in the valley times there is great beauty.
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